


The Aftermath

by softhaughts



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, Minor Octavia Blake/Raven Reyes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-07
Updated: 2017-07-11
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:11:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5945011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softhaughts/pseuds/softhaughts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lexa knew from the beginning that she had strong feelings for Clarke. Hell, when they first met, Lexa was a blabbering fool. Clarke made her feel something that she'd been trying to run away from. So when Clarke asked her to go on a road trip, Lexa was more than thrilled. However, what happens when their trip takes a turn for the worse? This AU follows the aftermath of what happens when things go down hill.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Twenty-Four Hours After (Lexa)

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfiction I have written, and I do not perceive myself as a glorious writer. However, I liked this idea and thought there would be no harm done in writing it. Have a nice day! :)

 

     The walls were an eerie white: that was the first thing Lexa noticed when she awoke. It was odd to Lexa as how different it could feel waking up in a room that wasn’t Clarke’s. It wasn’t as if they were dating, but it sure as hell did feel like it. She leaned forward in bed only to be stopped by a sharp pain in her stomach. She groaned and placed her hand on the source of the pain.

      “Take it easy, Raccoon.” Lexa redirected her attention from her pain and saw Raven leaning on crutches at the door, “The doctor wants you to rest easy, and quite frankly I think you could use it.”

     Lexa noticed that Raven looked tired and almost as if she had been crying. There were purple half-moons under her eyes, and her hospital gown had small dots of water, or tears dappled across her chest. Not to mention the faint red tint of her eyes. It seemed anomalous to Lexa. She had never seen Raven cry. Then again, she only saw Raven when she was with Clarke. 

     Lexa pushed the thought of Raven crying away and slid up in the bed so that she could properly see Raven. “Pain is weakness leaving the body,” She mumbled.

     Raven crutched her way over towards Lexa. “I know you did not just repeat one of those stupid t-shirts. You know, I really thought better of you, Raccoon.”

     “I don’t understand why you insist on calling me Raccoon. I have a name that’s perfectly pronounceable.”

     Raven shrugged. “Yeah, but calling you Raccoon somehow fits you. Besides, nicknames are pretty cool.”

     Lexa sighed and leaned her head against the wall. This was the first real conversation that she had with Raven without anybody else in the room. It seemed strangely comforting to her, “How bad is your leg?” Lexa asked trying to keep the conversation from becoming an awkward mess.

     “Not good. They’ve already scheduled an appointment so it could be amputated.”

     Lexa leaned her head forward and gave Raven a perplexed look.

     “I’m kidding, Lexa.” Raven smiled and let out a small laugh.

     “Oh,” Lexa leaned her head against the wall again.

     “I’m fine. Besides, I shouldn’t be the one you should be worrying about.”

     “I’ve already told you. I’ll be fine. I’ve had worse pain.”

     “So I take it you haven’t heard the news yet?” Raven said fiddling with the screws on her crutches. Suddenly the atmosphere in the room became dull.  

     “What news?” Lexa sat straight up and raised an eyebrow obviously confused.

     “I don’t want you to panic.”

     “Since when do I panic?”

     “Whenever something involves Clarke.”

     “Clarke and I are friends, Raven.”

     “Yeah, whatever you say, miss Clarke trash number one.”

     “I don’t have time for this, Raven,” For a moment, no one talked. Lexa was becoming impatient, and her face showed it, “Look, whatever it is…” Lexa began.

     “It’s Clarke,” Raven said tightening her jaw.

     “I don’t understand.”    

     Raven sighed and adjusted her gaze towards the ceiling. “After the accident, the ambulance came and took the four of us to, well, where we are now. Octavia managed to get out with a few small scratches. I have a minor broken leg. You were stabbed with a piece of glass from the windshield, but they managed to keep it from puncturing any internal organs.”

     “And Clarke?” Lexa felt her stomach drop, and it wasn’t because of the piece of glass that impaled her. In fact, if anything bad had happened to Clarke, it’d do far more damage than anything a piece of glass could ever do.

     Raven stopped fiddling with the screws and ran her hand through her hair.

     “Raven, you’re scaring me,” Lexa said.

     “Clarke was driving the car, Lexa. When the other car hit us, Clarke hit her head pretty hard against the wheel. The doctors have tried talking to her. They’ve tried to remind her of her life before the crash, but she doesn’t remember.”

     “What are you saying?”

     “Clarke has amnesia.”

     “But it’s not severe, right? It’s just one of those cases where you can’t remember for a few days and then suddenly it all comes back?” Lexa rushed through her words trying not to panic, but let’s be real. She was panicking.  

     “The doctors don’t know how severe it is, Lexa.”

     Lexa threw the blankets off of her legs.

     “What are you doing?” Raven asked.

     “I’m going to go see Clarke,” Lexa said as she dangled her legs off the side of the bed.

     “Like hell you are. You need to rest. She’ll be fine. It’s Clarke. She always is.” Raven wasn’t trying to persuade Lexa at this point. She was trying to persuade herself. She tried to stop Lexa from proceeding with her journey, but there was no stopping Lexa when she was in action.

     Lexa pushed Raven out-of-the-way and then stopped in her tracks refusing to face Raven. She didn’t want Raven to see how much Clarke’s well-being could affect her.  “It’s Clarke, Raven. I have to see her.”

     Raven didn’t speak. The only sound in the room was the faint beeping of machines and Raven’s and Lexa’s somewhat inconsistent breathing. Lexa was about to leave until she heard Raven speak up, “Take a right and follow the hallway. When you turn left, she’s the first room on the right.”

     Lexa walked to the door and before she was out of sight Raven continued: “I don’t think it’s a good idea, Lexa. She’s not the same person she was before. She won’t remember you,” Raven paused, “At least, she didn’t remember me.”

     “I know,” Lexa whispered. Just like that, Lexa disappeared from the room leaving Raven alone.


	2. There Will Be Cake (Lexa)

   Lexa wandered the halls like a lost puppy. Three nurses followed behind Lexa trying to persuade her to return to her room. Key word: trying. She had one thing in mind and that did not include obeying orders from the nurses.

     Lexa had seen an abundance of hospital shows, mostly because Clarke was obsessed with them. However, T.V. didn’t warn her about the nauseating smell. The hospital smelled of stale potato chips and sickness. Lexa was not amused.

     She was close to Clarke’s room. “Just two more feet,” she whispered to herself.

     “Lexa?” A familiar voice asked. Lexa focused on the figure standing outside of Clarke’s room. She was so out of it, she hadn’t realized how many people she pushed out of the way.

     “Octavia,” Lexa acknowledged. She didn’t think it was possible, but somehow Octavia had become more glorious. It had barely been one day after the accident, and she was glowing. Lexa could tell that Octavia’s lip was busted and her eyebrow had a nasty cut. Other than that, she looked untouched.

     Lexa accidentally let her mouth drop open which made Octavia smile.“I’m lucky, I know. If it weren’t for Raven, I would be a lot worse. She saved me, and I’m pretty sure that Bellamy has vowed his life to her now.”

     “Is he here? Bellamy, I mean?”  Lexa asked innocently.  

     “Ma’am you can’t be out of your room.” A busty nurse demanded to interrupt the “family reunion.”

     “I’m capable of walking,” Lexa snarled.  

     “She’s right. You shouldn’t be out of your room.” Octavia reassured.

     “I came to see Clarke.”

     “I know, but there’s nothing you can do. It’s up to time and Clarke. I know you love her…”

     “I don’t love her,”

     “Lexa, we can’t do anything about it.” Octavia repeated.

     “I can’t just leave. I need to see her.” Lexa felt her eyes glass over.

     “Seeing her will just leave you heartbroken. She doesn’t remember anything.”

     “I don’t care.” Lexa tried to push pass Octavia to Clarke’s room, but Octavia grabbed her shoulders.

     Lexa thrust her shoulders trying to force Octavia to loosen her grip, but Octavia never let go. Instead, she pulled Lexa into her chest. Lexa's chest throbbed with pain and her head was swarmed with clouds. She didn’t want to put together the pieces. She wanted Clarke to be the same, but she knew she wouldn’t. Then, Lexa did something she hadn’t done in years. She cried.

     Octavia whispered soft its Okays into Lexa’s hair.

     The rest of the day was a blur to Lexa. All she could think about was Clarke, and how she had blown her chance with a girl she had feelings for. There were plenty of times Lexa could have admitted her feelings, like that time at the state fair or the time they held hands at the movies. If she had just gathered the courage to say the words, maybe things would be different.

     Although she knew Octavia and Raven had the right intentions, nothing could make her the person she was before the accident. There was nothing that could make _Clarke_ the same person she was before the accident. Lexa wanted to hide from her feelings, but she also knew that life carried on after a person. Look at life after Costia: she found Clarke. Perhaps after Clarke, she would find someone else or a dog. She liked dogs.

 

                                                                        ***

 

     It was approximately a week after the accident, and Lexa was being let go. Let go as in, sent home. She had come to the conclusion that the universe was against her seeing Clarke. She believed it was a sign that they weren’t meant to be. Clarke was just her fantasy girl.

     Lexa didn’t know where to go. She could go back to the apartment she shared with Clarke, but that would cause too much heartache. She was lost in her own world and didn’t know how to climb out.

     Lexa was staring at the wall when Raven walked- er, wobbled next to her. She was lost in her own thoughts and too tired to notice Raven standing right beside her. Raven tilted her head and squinted her eyes. 

     “I don’t get it,” She said observing the wall.

     Lexa lowered her hands from her stomach and loosened her shoulders. “Get what?"

     “What’s so fascinating about the wall?” Raven asked.

     “Nothing, I was just thinking to myself.”

     “Thinking or obsessing?” Raven plopped down on Lexa’s hospital bed and let her crutches clatter to the ground.

     The noise from the crutches startled Lexa. “There is no line between thinking and obsessing.” Lexa replied.

     “I liked you better when you were obsessing over Clarke. You’ve become a freaking philosopher.”

     “I’m not a philosopher. I’ve just accepted the fact that Clarke isn’t Clarke.” Lexa turned around to face the window pressing heat against her back. She could see Raven’s reflection perk up.

     “Wait, you’re not giving up on Clarke are you?” Raven asked.

     “No, I’m just accepting.”

     “Look, I know O and I said some pretty messed up stuff to you about Clarke, but we were all shocked and scared. We’re still her friends. She may not remember us, but we remember her. We can pull her back into reality- back into your reality.”

     “There’s no point. She doesn’t remember anything, and she doesn’t feel the same way about us.” Lexa folded her arms and leaned on her right leg.

     “Lexa, don’t say that. We can make her remember, or, at least, teach her to love us again.”

     “It’d be fake memories and fake feelings.” Lexa knew how these things ended up. She didn’t want to be a victim of something she could avoid.

     “Trust me; she couldn’t fake her feelings for you.” As soon as Raven had said it, she immediately widened her eyes and clenched her jaw.

     Lexa swiveled around on her foot and stared at Raven. It wasn’t an intimidating stare. It was a mixture of disbelief and bafflement. Raven knew about Clarke’s feelings towards Lexa, and she had said nothing. How long had Clarke known? How long had Raven known? Hell, how long had Octavia known?

     “Y-you knew she liked me?” Lexa asked meekly.

     Raven hesitated, “Yes,” she whimpered with a raised eyebrow.

     “And you kept this a secret?”  
     “Yes?” 

     “We could’ve had the best of both worlds, but we both were too afraid to admit it.” Lexa noted.

     “To be fair, Clarke had invited you on this trip because she had a planned to ask you to be her girlfriend.”

     “And you see where that got us?”

     “She tried.”     

     “I’m such an idiot.”  
     “Idiot is a strong word.” Raven said.

     “Again, I am an idiot.” Lexa repeated.

     There was a moment of silence between the two girls until Raven spoke up. “Look, the doctors said that Clarke comes home in a few days. We decided it would be nice to throw her a small get together to welcome her home. You should come. She would want you there.”

     “She doesn’t remember me, Raven. How could she want me there?”

     “Come and you can try to make things right. Who knows? Maybe she’ll fall madly in love with you when she sees you.” Raven teased.

     Lexa stared at the wall for a minute until replying, “Will there be cake?”

     “There will be cake,” Raven replied.

     Lexa didn’t know how well this would work, but she did know that she liked cake.  


	3. The Photo Album (Clarke)

     Despite the constant nagging from the doctors, Clarke didn’t know who she was. She wanted to remember something, anything really, but it was like chasing after light. She could try and try, but she would never catch it. The only thing she remembered was waking up in the bleach white room with no recollection of how she got there.

     It was torture.

     Clarke flipped through the leather album that a girl, Raven, had left her. The album was filled with pictures of Clarke and the girl Raven along with two other people. In every picture, Clarke was laughing or smiling, but it never looked forced. The emotions spread across her face in the pictures were genuine. It should have made Clarke feel welcomed. Instead, it made Clarke feel like a stranger in her own body.

     Clarke was told she would be able to go home today, but she wanted to stay at the hospital. At least, at the hospital she knew people. In fact, her nurse was super cute and sarcastic. Clarke liked that she made her feel welcomed instead of confused.

     Clarke had already changed into her everyday clothes. Well, at least, the clothes Raven had dropped off. She knew Raven meant well, and she appreciated that. Clarke heard the tiny thumps echoing from crutches. She remembered that the nurse had said Raven had broken her leg in the accident.

     Raven appeared at the door with frizzy hair and an exasperated look. “You know, when they said it would rain today, I didn’t think they meant that the Pacific Ocean would be falling from the sky,” Raven said.

     Clarke liked Raven’s character. She wished she remembered their memories. “That bad?” Clarke asked.

     “Bad would be an understatement.” Raven paused and stared at the photo album lying in Clarke’s lap. “My favorite page is the last one.”

     Clarke turned to the last page while Raven crutched her way next to the bed. The last page of the photo album contained four pictures. One of the pictures contained Raven and another girl holding arcade guns at each other. Raven pointed to the other girl in the picture. “That’s Octavia. We’ve known her since we were sophomores. I mean she was technically our enemy back then, but we grew to love her. Isn’t she gorgeous?” Raven explained.

     Clarke saw the goofy smile spread across Raven’s face. It was obvious that Raven cared for Octavia. She wondered how close they were. “So we’ve known each other for a long time then, I’m assuming?” Clarke asked running her fingers along the side of the album.

     “We met in seventh grade. You were the new kid, and I was the ‘outcast’. Funny thing is I actually hated you at first because I thought you were going to be- try to be someone you weren’t. Which actually wasn’t the case. You ended up knocking some kid out on the second week because he was bullying kids.” Raven looked at Clarke half-hoping for Clarke to suddenly remember everything.

     Clarke sighed. “Funny, I don’t remember that. Then again I don’t remember anything.”

     Clarke could tell that Raven wanted everything to be normal again. She just didn’t know how to give Raven that. She continued to look at the photos trying to push the thought out of her head. The photos were typical. Clarke was smiling with Raven and Octavia. She looked happy.

     There was one picture in particular that caught Clarke’s attention. There wasn’t anything special about it. In fact, it was simple. It wasn't the picture that grabbed Clarke, but rather the person in the picture. The person who was posing in the photo with her made her feel something she couldn’t describe. She had seen her before on another page. Clarke flipped to the page and pointed to the girl. Covering every piece of the page was a new picture of the girl, and tiny hearts were drawn in red ink across the page. “Who’s that?” Clarke asked.

     Raven’s eyes widened. She looked at Clarke and then back at the paper. Raven first mumbled something under her breath and then spoke up. “That’s Lexa.”

     “Lexa,” Clarke repeated. The name didn’t sound foreign on her tongue like the rest of the names did.

     “Yeah, you and Lexa were,” Raven paused, “friends.”

     “So you knew her too?”

     “I didn’t know her as well as you, but yeah, we are friends.” Raven placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “Anyways, it’s time for us to go. You must be sick of being cooped up in this small hospital room.” Raven reached out her hand to help Clarke from the bed.

     “Yeah, totally.” Clarke lied and took Raven's hand.

 

 

     They were half-way out the doors when the nurse caught Clarke’s eye. Something deep down inside of her told her to stay with Raven and forget about the hospital. Another part told her to talk to the nurse. Raven noticed Clarke staring at the nurse and tapped her shoulder. Clarke didn’t turn to face Raven instead she started to walk towards the nurse. “I’ll be right back,” Clarke said.

     “Clarke, no.” Raven tried to grab Clarke’s wrist, but she was already too far ahead.

     Clarke leaned against the counter that the attractive, young nurse was standing at. “It looks like you’ve been discharged. I’m glad to see you’re doing better.” The nurse said peering over the top of her round glasses.

     “Yeah, I’m actually going home now.” Clarke couldn’t find the right words to say to the nurse.

     “I can tell. The girl you’re leaving with has been giving me the death stare since you got over here.” The nurse pointed towards Raven, and in fact, Raven had been glaring at Clarke.

     “I’m sorry. I don’t know her that well. I mean I suppose I did at one point, but I don’t really remember her that well and…”

     The nurse placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “Clarke, chill.”

     Clarke felt her stomach tie in knots. “Oh, right.”

     “I would love to stay and talk to you, sweetie, but I have patients I need to get to. Plus, I think your friend may actually kill me if we keep talking.” The nurse removed her hand from Clarke’s shoulder and proceeded to grab a stack of files off the counter.

     “Maybe we could talk more. I mean grab dinner one night or something.” Clarke suggested. Clarke liked talking to the nurse. She was the only person she had met that felt like a friend and not a stranger posing as a friend.

     The nurse smiled at Clarke. “Are you asking me on a date?”

     “Not a date per say, but more like a conversation over dinner.”

     The nurse hesitated. “Okay, I’ll tell you what. If you need company one night, give me a call.” The nurse wrote her number on one of the files from the stack. She tore the paper and handed it over to Clarke.

     “Sounds good,” Clarke said taking the scrap of paper.

     The nurse waved goodbye and started to walk off. Clarke looked down at the piece of paper. Etched out in purple ink were ten digits and a name: Niylah.


	4. Raven the Mom™ (Clarke)

     Clarke wasn’t sure what type of car Raven would drive, but it definitely was not the bright yellow Jeep with pink flowers sketched along the sides. Raven crutched around the front of the car refusing to acknowledge the out-of-character car. Clarke dismissed the car and decided it was better not to know the origin. She entered the car and was soaked with rain by the time she closed the passenger’s seat door.

     It was silent until Raven cranked the car. The radio blasted garage-esc rock vibes. She screamed and reached out her hand to turn down the radio. Clarke couldn’t help but smile.

     “Don’t you have a broken leg?” Clarke asked breaking the almost silence.

     “I never said the ride would be peaceful, Clarke.” Raven replied with a smirk. Clarke suddenly became anxious riding in the Jeep with Raven.

     The jeep smelled like peppermint and leather. She noticed the picture of Octavia hanging from the rearview mirror. Octavia was holding a giant stuffed bear with pink fur. She looked happy and less terrifying. Clarke saw Raven blush out of the corner of her eye.

     “I gave her that on her birthday, and she forced me to take a picture of her holding the bear. I thought it looked cute so I put it in my car.” Raven said throwing her crutches into the back of the car.

     “She’s special to you,” Clarke said.

     “I mean, I guess. We’re friends…”

     “You like her.” Clarke interrupted Raven and twisted in the seat to face her.

     A small smile turned the corners of Raven’s mouth. Raven didn’t reply to Clarke’s comment, but Clarke knew it was true. Raven was falling for Octavia, and it may have been the cutest thing Clarke had seen since the crash. Clarke was realizing that she was a sucker for cheesy love stories. She had probably watched The Notebook five-hundred times while she was in the hospital.

     “Octavia makes me feel something I haven’t felt since Finn.” Raven mumbled.

     “Finn?” Clarke asked.

     “He was my boyfriend in high school. We were in love, and then he…” Raven swallowed hard, “he was killed.”

     Clarke could tell that whatever happened with Finn had torn a hole in her. She wanted to know more about Finn, but she didn’t want to pry. Clarke leaned her head against the back of her seat and proceeded to listen to the music. Raven’s breath was staggered. Clarke wanted to reach over to Raven and tell her everything would be okay, but she didn’t know how to comfort her.

     “Don’t do that.” Raven said.

     “Do what?” Clarke asked.

     “Make things awkward. Talk to me, please. I’ve been sitting in silence for a week. Octavia has been visiting her brother, and I’ve practically been babysitting Sulky McSulk Pants.”

     “Who?” Clarke’s eyebrows knitted together.

     “Lexa.”

     Clarke felt chills spread down her spine at the sound of Lexa’s name. Something about Lexa made Clarke feel safe. She liked that. Before she could stop herself, she let the words slip. “Why does she feel real?” Clarke’s cheeks turned a rosy red.

     Raven smiled. “Do you remember Lexa?” she asked.

     Clarke played with the end of her sleeve and looked out the window. “No.”

     “But you’re curious about her?”

     “That’s a general question. I’m curious about everything.”

     “Fair point, but she’s the only person you’ve asked about.” Raven said smirking.

     “Stop smiling,” Clarke let the corners of her mouth rise.

     “It’s nice to see you smile.”

     “Yeah,” Clarke whispered.

     Raven clenched the steering wheel. “I’m serious, though. Lexa’s been a drama queen. She really misses you.”

     Clarke didn’t remember Lexa. Hell, she hadn’t even seen Lexa in person, but somehow she felt closer to Lexa than anyone she had met. “I don’t know who she is.” Clarke replied.

     “Soon enough you will.”

     The rest of the car ride was silent. Raven had disappeared into her own world. She only replied with short hums when Clarke asked questions. Clarke didn’t mind it, though. It was nice to finally have absolute quiet, well, besides the faint rhythm of the radio.

     Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she slept. Most of her nights at the hospital consisted of trying to remember everything: anything. Clarke rested her head against the seat and soon drifted off to sleep.

 

                         ***

 

     Clarke awoke to an abrupt stop. She gasped and dug her fingernails into the side of the door. She wasn’t sure where she was. Outside they were parked right outside of the entrance of the building. Somehow she knew that that's where she lived. She had no recollection of her apartment, but she could sense that she was home.

     Raven looked over at Clarke. “Sorry?” Raven asked.

     Clarke rolled her eyes and proceeded to open the car door until Raven stopped her. “Hey, Clarke,”

     Clarke raised her eyebrow.

     Raven hesitated, and Clarke began to worry. “What is it Raven? You’re scaring me.” Clarke said.

     Raven let out a deep breath. “We organized a surprise party for you when you came home from the hospital. So when you get into your apartment there are going to be a bunch of people there you probably don’t remember. I think you’re going to like everyone there. They all really care about you. There’ll be cake too.” Raven rushed through her words. She didn’t take a breath until she was done spoiling the surprise for Clarke.

     Clarke stared at Raven blankly and didn’t move. “Clarke?” Raven asked reaching her hand out to Clarke’s shoulder.

     “There’s going to be a lot of people at my place?” Clarke asked.

     “Yeah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to spoil the surprise. I just didn’t want for you to get into your apartment and be ambushed by a bunch of people you don’t remember. Plus, I felt bad keeping a secret from you. I haven’t done that since like ninth grade.” Raven started tapping her fingers on her leg.

     Clarke didn’t know how to feel. On one hand, it would be nice to meet everyone. On the other hand, she wanted to go home and get to meet herself. She wasn’t mad at Raven. In fact, she wasn’t mad at anyone. She was simply… confused.

     “Is Octavia going to be there?” Clarke asked after a moment of silence. She figured if worse came to worse, she could try to get Raven and Octavia together. That could be an excuse for being antisocial, right?

     Raven shrugged her shoulders. “If she’s not, her ass is going to be in trouble.”

     Clarke smiled. “Then let’s go.”


	5. Promises (Lexa)

  

     The apartment was alive with conversation. Everyone from Clarke's life was crammed in the dinky apartment. Lexa couldn’t believe the work Raven and Octavia had put into decorating Clarke’s apartment. There were streamers covering the door and a karaoke machine and a cake sitting in her kitchen. There were even lit candles sitting out at various locations. Okay, so maybe Lexa had brought a few candles for decorations but still. 

     Lexa’s stomach was tied in knots, and it wasn’t because of the piece of glass that had impaled her. She was anxious for meeting Clarke for the first time, again. The first time she met Clarke, she had nearly thrown coffee all down Clarke’s white shirt. It was an honest mistake, really. Lexa didn’t want to screw this up. It may be her last chance to actually tell Clarke how she feels.

     Lexa looked around the room and noticed how everybody seemed unaffected by Clarke’s amnesia. It was like she was at a birthday party rather than a ‘hey-we’re-your-friends-and-family-and-you-don’t-remember-us-but-we’re-throwing-you-this-party-anyways’ party. She figured, at least, Abby would seem worried, but she was wrong. Abby was leaning against the wall adjacent to Lexa, and she was talking with Bellamy.

     There was one thing Lexa couldn’t deny: Clarke was loved by everyone. Clarke’s mom was constantly calling Clarke to check up on her. Even though Clarke would get annoyed with her mom’s obsessive calling, Lexa could tell that Abby cared more about Clarke than anything else. It was the mother-daughter relationship that kid shows fanaticized.

     Then there was Bellamy. Bellamy was Clarke’s number one supporter. He loved her, but not like Lexa. The love that Bellamy had for Clarke was different. He cared for her and wanted her to be safe. He wanted to protect Clarke. However, Lexa never understood why he felt the need to protect her. Clarke was the strongest person she knew. One would say Bellamy loved Clarke the same way he loved Octavia: brotherly.

     Everyone who met Clarke instantly fell in love. It always made Lexa jealous whenever Clarke would innately flirt with someone. She wanted Clarke. Clarke wanted Lexa, but time ran out.

     Lexa looked over her shoulder to find Octavia sitting on the couch impatiently tapping her fingers. Lexa shrugged her shoulders and took a seat next to Octavia.

     “Hey,” Lexa said.

     “It’s been over an hour. You don’t think anything would have happened to them do you? Raven’s smart she would’ve found a way to call us if anything happened? Hell, Raven would’ve found a way to smoke signal us. _Right_?” Octavia worriedly looked at Lexa.

     Lexa positioned herself on the couch to face Octavia. “O, they’re going to be fine. You need to chill.”

     Octavia ran her hands through her hair. “Yeah,”

     Lexa hadn’t seen much of Octavia the past month. O had been staying with Bellamy, so she wasn’t sure how well she was handling the accident. Evidently, not that well.

     Bellamy suddenly ran into the center of the room and yelled. “They’re in the hallway everyone hide!”

     The lights were shut off, and Octavia jerked Lexa to the end of the couch. Lexa was pretty sure Octavia had given her whiplash.

     “Sorry,” Octavia whispered.

     The room was dead silent… for about three seconds. The door opened, and everyone in the room jumped up and yelled surprise. Of course, it would have been better if someone had actually turned the lights on when the door was opened.

     “You had one job, Jasper!” Bellamy yelled.

     The lights turned on and Lexa saw Clarke. She was three times as beautiful as Lexa remembered. The butterflies in her stomach were back, but Lexa didn’t care. She was finally getting to see Clarke, and that’s all she’s wanted. Only Lexa could tell that Clarke wasn’t surprised. Lexa figured that Raven had let the surprise slip.

     The room filled with conversation again. “I told you they were going to be okay,” Lexa said over the noise. She turned on her heel to face Octavia, but Octavia had already left.

     A sea of people surrounded Clarke and Raven. There’s was no way that Lexa would be able to get to Clarke. Anxiously, Lexa looked around the room for something to do so she wouldn’t seem like the odd one out. Unfortunately, the only thing she could do was sing karaoke, and there was no way she would do that.  

     “You know before the accident all Clarke talked about was you.” A familiar voice said.

     Lexa crooked her head to see Clarke’s mom, Abby, standing beside her. Lexa smiled. “I thought you would be over there with Clarke and the rest of the party?”

     “I was, but it got too crowded. There comes a point in your life when you find the beauty in patience.” Abby leaned on her right foot and placed her hand on her hip.

     “Patience is a virtue, or so I’ve been told.”

     “So why are you over here? I thought you’d want to see your girlfriend, or did something happen before the crash?” Abby asked.

      Lexa looked at Abby in amusement. “We were never girlfriends.”

      Abby raised her eyebrows and dropped her jaw before replying. “Oh, I just thought that since you two were always together...”

     “We had something special, but we never acted upon it,” Lexa said.

      “That’s too bad. You would’ve been the best daughter-in-law.” Abby laughed and gently pushed Lexa’s shoulder.   

      Lexa’s face turned cherry red. She tried to get words out to reply to Abby, but she couldn’t seem to find the right words. “Relax, Lexa. I’m not trying to scare you. I think you’re good for Clarke. Just promise me one thing?” Abby explained.

     Lexa nodded her head in agreement.

     “Don’t abandon Clarke. She needs you even if you think she doesn’t.”

     Lexa hesitated. She wanted Clarke back, but she knew it wouldn’t be that simple. She also knew that she couldn’t let Abby down; not after all she’s done for her. “I promise,” Lexa replied.

     Lexa looked at Abby and for the first time, she saw worry spread across her face. Lexa didn’t know how to reply to Abby; she was never good at small talk. Abby exhaled loudly and swiveled on her heel so that she faced Lexa. “Well in light of this party, I’m going to go get some punch and get in the party mood.” Abby patted Lexa’s shoulder and then walked away. As she was walking away, Lexa could tell that she was wiping tears from her eyes.

     The atmosphere in the room was lively again. Lexa knew that even though Clarke may persist that she hates surprises; she’s still a sap for them. That made Lexa happy. In fact, last year, after Clarke had passed a test that she had been stressing about, Lexa brought her a bouquet of tiger lilies. Lexa then proceeded to stand outside of Clarke’s class with the lilies and a cd player blasting: Celebration by Kool and the Gang. When Clarke was let out of class, she walked out to see Lexa smirking at her. Clarke insisted that Lexa had embarrassed her. Yet, the huge smile spread across Clarke’s face told another story. Plus, later in the year whilst Clarke was a tad _tipsy,_ she revealed to Lexa that she loved her surprises.

     Lexa looked in the direction where Clarke stood. She had missed Clarke. She had missed her goofy smile and her muddled hair. She had missed their conversations at two in the morning. She had missed everything about her, and it tore a hole in Lexa’s heart to know that Clarke couldn’t remember what they had.

     Clarke looked up from socializing and locked eyes with a Lexa. Lexa’s stomach dropped, and she wanted to run over and take in all of Clarke, but she was paralyzed. She noticed how Clarke’s face dropped, and suddenly her eyes became a darker shade of blue. They stood there both paralyzed, both unsure what to do, until Clarke was forced into another meet n’ greet. Lexa didn’t think that it was possible to fall in love with someone twice, but she was proven wrong.   


	6. The Dirty Details

     There was one good thing about the party, and that was the cake. At least, that’s all Lexa could manage to find good in. Of course, the party would have been better if she actually talked to Clarke. However, Clarke was loved by more than just Lexa. After thirty minutes of trying to force her way over to Clarke, Lexa finally gave up.

     Somehow she had ended up in the bathroom drowning her sorrows in chocolate cake. Lexa didn’t mind it, though. The bathroom was quiet- muffled, at least. There she could think things over before returning to the real world.

     Lexa sat in the bathtub with a plate of chocolate cake sitting on her stomach. She knew that she couldn’t stay in the bathroom forever, but she also knew that it wouldn’t hurt trying. The room was relaxing and less chaotic until the bathroom door flew open. 

     Lexa didn’t have time to process what had happened, but she did have time to twist her body around in the bathtub and reach the half empty bottle of shampoo sitting behind her shoulder. She turned around to face the door.

     What she saw wasn’t exactly what she was expecting to find. Clarke stood pressed against the door, and her chest rose with the deep breaths she was taking. She was whispering words to herself, but Lexa couldn’t distinguish what she was saying. Lexa couldn’t find the right words to say at the moment; she was awestricken by Clarke’s beauty.

     Clarke let out a sigh and opened her eyes only to see Lexa aiming at her with shampoo. Clarke tugged at her sleeves. “I could’ve been a murderer, and you choose to use a shampoo bottle to defend yourself, creative,” Clarke said crossing her arms over her chest.

     “You remember what shampoo is?” Lexa’s voice cracked. She knew it was a stupid question, and she wished she could take it back.

     Clarke laughed, “They didn’t deprive me of cleanliness at the hospital.”

     Lexa threw her hands up in defense, “Fair point.” She dropped the shampoo on the floor as she put her hands back down next to her sides.

     “Shit,” Clarke said with a worried expression spread across her eyes.

     “What’s wrong, Clarke?” Lexa asked. She hated seeing Clarke worried.  

     “I made you smear your cake all across your white shirt. Here let me help.” Clarke said as she grabbed the hand towel lying on the counter and wet it under the sink.

     Lexa looked down at her shirt and realized that Clarke was right. “No, no, Clarke its fine you don’t have to.”

     “I want to help,” Clarke said removing the plate from Lexa’s stomach. She kneeled on the ground to be level with Lexa. Pieces of cake crumbled off of Lexa's shirt. Clarke placed her hand over Lexa’s stomach and started removing the pieces of cake that remained.  

     “Clarke, honestly, you don’t have to.” Lexa defended.

     “Will you shut up already? I’m going to help you no matter what.” Clarke placed the hand towel over Lexa’s stomach. The towel was cold, and Lexa could feel Clarke’s hands trembling.

     She placed her hand on Clarke’s trying to stop Clarke from shaking. “Hey,” Lexa whispered.

     Clarke locked eyes with Lexa for a brief second before removing her hands from Lexa’s stomach. “So you’re Lexa, right?” She asked.

     “Last time I checked,” Lexa replied with a devilish smirk.

     “I’ve seen pictures of you.”

     Lexa raised her eyebrow and looked at Clarke. “What?”

     “Oh right, Raven left me a photo album, and you were in there. Quite a lot, I might add.” Clarke resumed cleaning Lexa’s shirt.

     Lexa knew what photo album Clarke was talking about. It was the album that Clarke started after they had met. In fact, Lexa had helped Clarke decorate half the pages. It was something they did together. Lexa yearned for their moments back. She missed be able to look into Clarke’s eyes and feel like the world around her didn’t matter. She missed the friendly flirting and the late night trips to the middle of nowhere. She missed it all, and she would do anything to get it back. She would do anything to get Clarke back.

     “Oh,” Lexa said. She noticed how Clarke’s eyebrows were furrowed in concentration. The only time she saw that was when Clarke was drawing. She loved Clarke’s artwork and always encouraged her to finish her projects. Yet, Clarke always found inspiration in the small things, so she rarely finished any projects. It was one of the many qualities that Lexa loved about her.

     The room fell silent for a few seconds until Clarke spoke up. “I think it’ll work better if you take off your shirt.”

     Lexa coughed suddenly off guard. “Excuse me?”

     “Lexa, I’m a girl. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. I mean we had mirrors at the hospital.”

     “It’s really fine, Clarke.” Lexa persisted.

     “Lexa, I did this, and I’m going to fix it.” There was something in Clarke’s voice that threw Lexa off. It wasn’t something she had ever heard before, and it frightened her.  

     Lexa sighed knowing that she wouldn’t be able to win against the queen of stubborn. “Fine.”

     She stood up in the tub and proceeded to remove her shirt from her body. The room was cold and dry. She noticed Clarke staring at her in awe. It put a smile on her face. Distracted by Clarke’s facial expression, Lexa jerked her arm hard against the side of the bathtub and let out a small whimper. Clarke tried to restrain from laughing but ultimately failed.

     “Oh, shut up,” Lexa mumbled letting her lower lip poke out slightly.

     Clarke stood up and sarcastically smiled at Lexa. Their hands met, once again, as Lexa handed over her white t-shirt. Clarke’s hands were still trembling. She shook her head to focus and stopped trembling. She looked at the scar stretched across Lexa’s stomach.

     “Is that from the crash?” She asked.

     “Yeah, apparently I got into a pretty big fight with a piece of glass,” Lexa said trying to be funny. Key word: trying.

     Lexa wasn’t expecting Clarke to run her free hand along the scar. Then again she didn’t expect a lot of things from Clarke. Lexa clenched her stomach from Clarke’s touch. This is the part where Lexa would have confessed her love for Clarke, and they would have had a steamy make-out session. But, that didn’t exactly happen.

      The door flew open, and Clarke jumped dropping the shirt. Lexa could feel the dull throbbing against her stomach from where Clarke's hand had been. Raven leaned against the door frame and smirked. “So I see you’ve met each other, maybe a little too well?” She asked.

     Clarke’s face turned red. “Nothing was happening, I mean, not like that. I mean…” Clarke quickly sputtered out her words. She realized there was no way she was digging herself out of the mess she was already in. So she stormed out of the room whispering to herself and shaking her head.

     “You’re a real jerk sometimes,” Lexa said.

     “Hey, I don’t need to know all the dirty secrets,” Raven said winking.

     “I’m not amused,” Lexa said slipping back into her shirt.

     Raven saw the huge brown stain across Lexa’s abs. She knitted her eyebrows and pursed her lips. “Okay, maybe I do need all the dirty details.” 


	7. somehow, someway

     While Clarke was in the hospital, time seemed to slow down by the hour, but when she was with Lexa, time couldn’t slow down enough. She wanted more time with Lexa. Especially after taking ten minutes cleaning cake off Lexa’s shirt. Talk about an awkward introduction. There was something about Lexa that left Clarke wanting more. Not necessarily in a physical matter, but also in an emotional matter. Talking to Lexa seemed natural almost like breathing. Something about Lexa drew Clarke closer to sanity, and she liked that.

     Clarke stared blankly at the half eaten chocolate cake sitting on the counter. Monty was trying to talk to Clarke about something stupid Jasper had done, but Clarke couldn’t pay attention. After Raven had barged in on Clarke and Lexa, everything seemed like a blur to Clarke.

     Although she had to admit, Monty was a sweetheart. Though she had no particular clue as to what Monty was rambling on about, she could see the expression and thought he had put into his story to make her smile. So every time she saw Monty crack a small smile, she let out a semi-fake laugh or smile.

     A hand clamped down on Clarke’s shoulder. Monty let out a huge grin and stopped midway in his story to blurt out, “Bellamy!”

     Clarke cocked her head only to see Bellamy, Octavia’s brother. He was standing behind her smiling goofily. “So I see you’ve met Monty.” He said releasing Clarke’s shoulder.

     Clarke couldn’t quite grasp her head around what was happening so she just nodded. She had heard of Bellamy from her mom’s frequent short visits to the hospital. Her mom seemed to like him, so she knew he couldn’t be a villain. 

     “Yeah, I was just telling Clarke about the time that Jasper almost started a war. Well, between the computer club and the drama department, at least.” Monty explained.

     “That’s probably my favorite ‘fucking Jasper’ story." Bellamy paused for a moment until he continued. "Anyways, I was wondering if I could borrow Clarke for a moment?”  

     “Sure,” Monty agreed and left Clarke standing alone with Bellamy.

     “Thank you!” Bellamy yelled after Monty.

     Clarke could tell that Bellamy cared about people a lot, especially his friends. He acted like a brother to Monty and for some reason that made Clarke smile. The haze was starting to wear off, and she could finally tell what was happening around her.

     Octavia was standing in the corner talking to Jasper while intimidatingly spinning butterfly knife. Jasper was being a complete dork and staring at the butter knife in awe. Clarke’s mom was sitting on the couch with Marcus. Off to the side, Raven stood, still mocking Lexa about previous events. The rest of the people were either dancing or singing off-key karaoke.

     “So I have two questions for you,” Bellamy said.

     “Okay,” Clarke said placing her shoulder against the wall.

     “One, how’re you doing?” Bellamy’s voice became tender as opposed to his normal rugged voice, Clarke noticed.

     “I’m good. I mean, I guess for just getting out of the hospital.” Clarke replied.

     “Good, good,” Bellamy seemed to push Clarke’s answer aside and rush to the next question. “So you met Lexa, how’d it go? I mean Raven told me that you sort of…”

     “Nothing happened!” Clarke interrupted. The last thing she wanted was for Raven to spread rumors everywhere about her and Lexa.

     Bellamy furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. “I was going to say that Raven told me that you sort of remembered Lexa. Well, at least, you still felt something for Lexa despite the whole Amnesia thing, which must suck by the way. But actually please elaborate on the whole ‘nothing happened’ outburst.”

     Clarke’s face turned red and she wanted to run away like she had before, but she knew that life didn’t work that way. “Why do you want to know about me and Lexa?” Clarke asked avoiding the question.

     “I adore both you and Lexa, and I want both of you to be happy,” Bellamy responded matter-of-factly.

     “But how does that correlate to my interaction with Lexa?” Clarke asked confused.

     “Before Lexa came around, you were kind of in a slump. Almost as if you were having a midlife crisis, but then Lexa came and suddenly a light went off in you. It was like you were a brand new person. I don’t know how the universe works, Clarke, but I do know that somehow, someway the universe wants you and Lexa to be together. Maybe it’s just my perspective, but take it as you have it.”

     Clarke processed what Bellamy had said. There was definitely tension between her and Lexa, but it wasn’t angst. It was some sort of love that never blossomed, and she didn’t know exactly what to make of it. Maybe Bellamy was right. Maybe the crash was just an obstacle to show how strong their love for each other could be. Then again, maybe the crash was the universe’s way of tearing them apart.  

     “What were we? Lexa and I.” Clarke asked trying to make sense of everything.

     “Truthfully, I don’t know. You two were friends, that was an undeniable fact, but what lay beyond that, I don’t know. I know you were head over heels for her. I also know that Lexa was sickly in love with you.” Suddenly Bellamy stopped and cursed under his breath.

     “Wait, what are you saying?” Clarke asked.

     Bellamy arched his neck and avoided making eye contact. “I really should be going,” Bellamy said dodging the question.

     Bellamy swiveled on his heel and started walking away from Clarke. Clarke looked over her shoulder to see Lexa smiling at Raven. Unexpectedly, a fire built inside of her. She was angry and sad and confused. She didn’t know how to feel. It was evident that Lexa meant a lot to her before the crash, and it pained her that she couldn’t remember any of it.

     She felt her legs carry her towards Bellamy before she could think about what she was doing. Clarke grasped Bellamy’s wrist and spun him back around to face her. “You don’t get to walk away like this. I can’t remember anything, and you come in with this story of how I let everything go? You can’t do that to me.” Clarke said trying not to draw attention to herself.

     Bellamy clenched his jaw. “Clarke, I don’t think now is the right time to go over you and Lexa.”

     “Please, Bell, I’m desperate.” Clarke hated sounding like a rom-com cliché, but it was the truth. She wanted to know how life was before the crash. If Bellamy was really this breakable, he would be the one to tell her.

    Bellamy hesitated.  “Okay, but not now- not here.”   

     “Then when?” Clarke asked.

     “I’ll come back later, after the party ends, and I’ll tell you anything you need- want to know.” Bellamy gently squeezed Clarke’s shoulder.

     _Bingo._ There it was. Bellamy had broken, and now Clarke had a chance to know everything. Clarke knew Raven and Octavia could’ve given her all the details, but there was something they were hiding. Maybe, it was their loyalty towards Lexa, and Clarke respected that if it was. However, she didn’t have time to break Raven and Octavia; she needed answers now.

     Bellamy smiled and left Clarke standing alone. Clarke was thankful for the moment to herself, but the moment didn’t last long. Precious Monty returned and started telling his story about Jasper again.     


	8. The Talk (Clarke)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *NOTE* This chapter does mention alcohol and drug abuse very briefly. 
> 
> Also, yes, I have changed the name of this to The Aftermath. Previously named: Thirty Days- a Clexa AU. However, I promise this is still the same fic.

     Clarke cared about her friends and family, but she was glad when everyone left. She was tired of people asking her how she was doing every time she moved. If she wanted to be checked on constantly, she would’ve stayed at the hospital. Okay, so maybe Clarke was slightly bitter: _very bitter._

 She had a reason, though. Since her encounter with Bellamy, all she could think about was Lexa. Clarke knew she cared for Lexa, but she wasn’t sure _how_ she cared for Lexa. There was no doubt in her mind that at one point she loved Lexa, but one thought flourished in her head. What if their time had passed? What if Lexa had moved on? What if she didn’t- couldn’t fall in love with Lexa again? There was still something deep down in Clarke that wanted Lexa. Even though she couldn’t remember anything before the crash, she could still feel the emotions embedded inside of her. The problem was that she didn’t know if obtaining their love for each other would even be possible anymore. Lexa was real to Clarke, that  much she did know.

     The apartment was completely silent for the first time since Clarke had been home. Of course, there were still remnants of the party such as the party streamers, faint static from the karaoke machine, and empty glasses scattered about, but it didn’t faze Clarke. She was too busy anxiously fiddling her thumbs waiting for Bellamy’s arrival.

     The thought of knowing more about her life before the crash made Clarke excited. But she was also nervous. She looked up from her thumbs to check the time. It had been almost thirty minutes after the party ended, and she was starting to worry if Bellamy had forgotten about their plans. Then, as if Bellamy was reading her mind, a sharp quick series of three knocks echoed from the door.

     Clarke rushed from the couch to open the door. “I was beginning to think you forgot, Bel…” Clarke spoke quickly until she saw something she wasn’t expecting.

     Raven leaned against her right foot and clenched her jaw, obviously mad. Bellamy awkwardly leaned over almost a foot at the expense of Raven tightening her grip around his ear. He squinted his eyes and wrinkles folded out around his nose. He was in pain, and Raven couldn’t care less. “What the hell is this?” Raven asked.

     “Run Clarke or Satan will catch you.” He cocked his head motioning towards Raven.

     “Oh, shut up,” Raven said squeezing even harder and twisting his ear.

     Bellamy let out a small whimper and began again, “If you want my ear, there are easier and less painful ways than torture, Raven.”

     “I can explain.” Clarke blurted.

     “You better,” Raven said pushing past Clarke and dragging Bellamy into the apartment by his ear.

     Clarke closed the door behind her as Bellamy whined about Raven’s grip. By the time Clarke had reached the center of the living room, Raven had let go of Bellamy’s ear. Raven was still mad. In fact, Clarke could swear she could see a fire in her eyes.

     “Okay, so I trust you Raven, but I know how loyal you are to Lexa.” Clarke began.

     “Wait,” Raven interrupted, “all this is about Lexa?”

     Clarke bit her lip as Bellamy piped up. “Look Raven, Clarke just has questions, and I think it’s time we tell her. It’s been forever.”

     Raven looked up at Bellamy. “We can’t betray Lexa, Bell.”

     “I don’t care about your loyalty anymore, Raven. I care about Clarke and Lexa, and these two love each other. Don’t you want to see them happy?” Bellamy ignored Clarke and spoke directly to Raven. Clarke realized by this point that this situation had nothing to do with the loyalty that they had for Lexa. They were using it as a cover up for something they didn’t want to admit.

     “What?” Clarke asked.

     Raven placed her hand on her hip and sighed. “There isn’t a way I can talk you out of this?” Raven asked.

     Clarke shook her head confirming Raven’s words.

     “Okay, fine,” Raven said.

     Clarke looked at Bellamy and back at Raven. What could be so bad about their secret? Clarke paused before replying. “Why?”

     “Um, I’m sorry, I don’t understand?” Bellamy said.

     “Why did you guys keep this secret for so long? I mean what kept you guys from telling me or Lexa? It’s high school drama that could’ve been solved if you two just told us.” Clarke explained.

     “Clarke, it’s not that simple,” Raven said.

     “I don’t understand.”

     “Lexa begged us not to tell you, and we’re loyal to the people we care for.” Bellamy placed his arm on Raven’s shoulder but quickly removed it when Raven snarled at him.

     “That still doesn’t answer my question.”

     “It’s just not that simple, Clarke,”  Raven repeated.

     “How can it not be simple?” Clarke started to raise her voice. Her emotions started to expand and were on the edge of bursting.

     “Just trust us,” Bellamy said trying to calm Clarke.

     “I barely know you two! How am I supposed to trust you?” Clarke was practically yelling at this point. All the emotions Clarke had been denying herself to have suddenly started to spill out. She couldn’t hold them in anymore.

     “Fine, Clarke. Do you want to know why we didn’t tell either of you about your feelings towards each other?” Raven asked.

     “Raven, no.” Bellamy interrupted.

     “Raven, yes,” Clarke said staring Bellamy in the eyes. Bellamy lowered his shoulders and looked away from Clarke. He knew he had no chance going up against Clarke and Raven, at the same time.

     “You’re my best friend, and I love you. Just keep that in mind. You first met Lexa right after your dad had died. You were heartbroken, and mad, and self-destructive. You were drowning yourself in alcohol at night and doping yourself up with prescription pills during the day. We were afraid of what you would do. You’ve done it before, use somebody as an escape from reality, at least. So that’s why we kept the secret from you two because we didn’t want either of you two to get hurt. Then you started getting better all because of Lexa. We knew then that we couldn’t keep you two apart, but we didn’t know how to tell either of you.”

     Clarke bit her tongue in anger. She had heard the same plot line on every television movie she had seen at the hospital. Plus, Bellamy's confused facial expression wasn't helping Raven's story. There was something that they didn’t want to admit, and Clarke couldn’t figure it out.

     “What lifetime movie did you steal that from?” Clarke asked.

     Raven let out an aggravated sigh. “Fine, you caught us.”

     Bellamy raised his hand to butt in, “Just to be clear, you caught her, not me. I didn’t agree to this plan.”

     “Bellamy shut up.” Clarke and Raven said simultaneously.

     Clarke stared at Raven, and Raven stared at Clarke: neither had the guts to defend their cases. After seconds of awkward staring, Bellamy finally spoke up for Raven. “We both became emotionally attached to Lexa, and we didn’t want to see either of you hurt from whatever you two had or could’ve had. We didn’t tell you guys because we knew that both of you have a habit of not admitting your feelings for people. So we figured if you two were oblivious, nothing would happen. Then, right before the accident, I could see the look in your eyes, and I knew you had fallen in love. I was going to tell you, but you left before I could get the words out.”  

     Clarke needed time to process. She had good friends. She knew that, but the words flew out of her mouth like vomit, “Pardon my French, but that’s a shitty excuse.”

     “Clarke,” Bellamy whispered.

     “No, I can’t do this right now,” Clarke said holding back tears.

     She wasn’t sure why she was on the verge of tears. She was upset, and mad, and confused. Lexa was the only thing that seemed real to Clarke after the crash. Now, she wasn’t even sure Lexa could or would love her again. Lexa had probably already moved on and found a stable life without Clarke. At least, that’s all Clarke could think about.

     A strand of hair fell across Raven’s face as she began talking, “I’m sorry. You both deserved to know the truth, and we blew it for you.”

     A tear fell down Clarke’s face. “I think it’s time for you two to leave. I just got home from the hospital, and quite frankly I’d like to have a moment to myself.”

     “Clarke, I’m sorry.” Raven was starting to sound like a broken record.

     Bellamy grabbed Raven by the shoulders and gently pushed her out of the room. Clarke didn’t turn to watch the two leave. In fact, her body became numb knowing that nothing seemed real.


	9. totally not stalking (lexa)

  
     Lexa wasn’t afraid of anything really, but the nightmare was something that always sent shivers down her spine in fear. It was the same nightmare every time:

     The cloud of smoke infested every part of her body, and the sirens grew closer. She had no idea where she was, or who she was. Needless to say, she was utterly lost.

     The grey smoke grew stronger, and her strength grew weaker. In the distance, she could hear a voice. Perhaps it was a familiar voice? No, the voice was menacing and taut. In fact, she was terrified, but she kept moving. The only thing she knew was that she was in great peril.

     She turned in frustration trying to understand what was going on. That’s when she saw the shadow. The shadow was running away from something. Even though she couldn’t see the shadow’s face, she knew it was scared.

     Lexa gathered her courage and ran towards the shadow. At this point, her heart was racing faster than her feet. She felt as if she shouldn’t run towards the shadow, but there was something about the shadow that made her feel connected to the situation.

     She only had half a second to comprehend the situation before she heard a loud bang. There, in fact, were not one but three shadows, and they appeared to be figuring humans. One had their hand stretched out with a shape that looked as if to be a gun. The gun pointed to another shadow and a black liquid started flowing from their stomach. She didn’t have to turn her head to see the last shadow because the shadow ran to the injured shadow.

     Lexa watched as the trauma set in. Until suddenly, her breath got knocked out of her lungs, and she could feel liquid spurting out from her stomach. She looked down to see the same black liquid pouring from her stomach from the exact place the injured shadow was shot. She heard a faint cry and tiny whispers yelling, “Lexa!”

     At this point she couldn’t tell which hurt worse, the bullet hole (which was near no major arteries or veins and could in no way kill her but somehow seemed to be doing just that) or the tear in her heart from the cries begging her to stay. The menacing voice stopped talking and seemed now to be laughing: mocking her.

     The shadows disappeared as she fell to the floor. The grey smoke became thicker and thicker. The menacing voice stopped laughing and began to speak, “Reshop, Heda.” Then the shadows attacked and everything went black.

     All is black for what seems like forever until the voice of a young boy called out the name, “Heda?”

 

        ***

 

     Lexa sat up in her bed and grasped her stomach. She was sweating from head to toe and her breath was diminutive. The nightmare was never something she liked thinking about, but when she did, she couldn’t dismiss the idea of it actually happening.

     Normally if she had the nightmare, she would call Clarke or Clarke would wake her up as she thrashed in the bed. Let’s be real, Lexa never spent time at her own apartment after she met Clarke. Clarke was always there for Lexa when she needed, except for this time. She missed the way Clarke would reassure her, and she would do anything to get her back.

     Lexa innately grabbed the phone and dialed Clarke’s number. It was barely past eleven, but Lexa knew Clarke would still be up. Lexa wasn’t expecting Clarke to understand what exactly was going on, but she was expecting Clarke to at least pickup. The phone rang twice until beeping indicated that Clarke was on the line with someone else. Lexa’s heart dropped.

     It was a sucky night. Lexa didn’t know what to do, so she did exactly what she does when she’s in sucky situations: she walked. She walked and didn’t pay attention to where she was going. She let her feet lead as she sunk deeper into her own thoughts.

     After walking for what seemed like forever, Lexa stopped. She didn’t expect to end up at Clarke’s apartment, but that’s exactly where her feet had led. She looked at Clarke’s apartment door. While she knew that Clarke had no choice in forgetting all their memories, Lexa couldn’t let go of the memories.

     Lexa lightly knocked on the door which allowed the door to crack open. She knew that walking into Clarke’s apartment may be wrong, but she couldn’t help letting her curiosity overthrow her thoughts. Lexa pressed open the door and entered Clarke’s apartment. There was a faint smell of burnt popcorn, which Lexa found odd because she knew Clarke hated popcorn.

     The living room was dark. Actually, the whole apartment was dark. The only light came from a lamp shining through the crack of Clarke’s door. Lexa could hear Clarke talking to someone. Again, Lexa let her curiosity lead her to Clarke’s door.

     Clarke was lying on her bed facing away from the door. Lexa could see the phone in her hand, and she remembered Clarke didn’t answer her call. Thirty minutes ago.

      _Who could be so important that Clarke feels compelled to talk to them for thirty minutes?_ Lexa thought.

     Lexa may have been a little jealous.

     “We’ve already been through this Niylah. Yes, I’m aware that it’s only been a few hours since I left the hospital, but I really need to talk to someone I know.” Clarke paused and waited for the person on the other end to reply. “You know what I mean. I know these people, but it’s just too much. They all expect me to be Clarke, but I don’t even know if I’m their Clarke anymore. I’m going to run out of time, and they’re going to leave.”

_Ouch_.

     Lexa wanted to interject to reassure Clarke that she would wait an eternity for her. Then she remembered that she was technically breaking into Clarke’s house.

     “I mean they seem great, but…” Clarke trailed off.

     This time, Lexa could hear the faint mumble coming from Clarke's phone.

     “Well, there is one person.” Clarke paused again waiting for the other person to reply.

     “You.”

     Was Clarke flirting? Who would she even be flirting with? Lexa thought.

     Lexa was too lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t notice Clarke walking towards her door. The door open, and Lexa fell backwards in shock hitting her head hard against the wall behind her. Lexa grimaced and touched the back of her head to check for blood.

     “Oh, shit. Niylah, I have to go.” Clarke slipped her phone into her pocket.

     “Hi,” Lexa whimpered smiling guiltily.


	10. the end

clarke and lexa realized they love each other and then fucked


End file.
